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Slammin' New Recipes
By: Kristina Feliciano - NY Post
December 31st 2000 8:05am
Is your stomach ready to rumble? If so, jump into the ring with "Can You Take the Heat?" - a new cookbook from stars of the World Wrestling Federation.
An excellent selection for those who love Rock and rolls, "Heat" features 222 pages of recipes from the WWF's well-muscled wranglers. This hard-cover thriller with vanilla (as in one of the ingredients for Brother Love's Heavenly Fudge Squares) from Regan Books really packs a dollop - of Cool Whip.
That's right, folks. Seven - count 'em, seven - of the 24 dessert recipes in this tome require a tub of the ol' Whip. Which means you don't have to be a hard-core chef like Hardcore Holly to find a "Heat" recipe you can handle.
In fact, you might start with Hardcore Holly's own Big Beefy Meatballs. As you can probably tell by the name, this is not the most subtle of meals. But don't let the brawny title put you off.
All you'll need to get a grip on this recipe are simple ingredients like a couple of pounds of ground sirloin, a little soy sauce (you can get away with a few of the packets left over from last week's Chinese takeout) and some salt. A heaping helping of hubris is optional.
One note: This dish goes down nicely - and can be presented with serene symmetry - when paired with a serving of Pat Patterson's Big Cabbage Balls.
Can't take the meat? (And you call yourself a wrestling fan.) Then you probably can't take the "Heat." We're talking Jim Cornette's Kentucky Corned Beef Sandwiches, Bradshaw's Smothered Texas Round Steak, J.R.'s Slobberknocker Pork Chops, Stone Cold's "Stomp a Mud Hole in Your Steaks and Ribs" Simmering Sauce, and the Kat's Homemade Beef Jerky.
This book's a TKO for carnivores.
But wrestlers cannot live by meat alone, as even "Heat" demonstrates.
"The Opening Match" chapter consists of appetizers, salads and soups. "The Main Event" contains recipes for entrees, from breakfast to dinner. "Lean and Mean" offers "lighter fare - just as fun, with less fat," such as Vince's Big Broiled Grapefruits.
"Tag-Team Classics" is a killer lineup of side dishes and breads. And then there are the desserts ("Finishing Maneuvers") and the essential "Victory Celebration" (beverages).
You'll find recipes for such vivid, varied fare as Grilled Badd Ass-paragus, J.R.'s Mama's Perfect Rolls, the Rock's Smack-Aroni Salad, Mick Foley's Knuckle Sandwiches and Mark Henry's Sexual Chocolate Cake.
It's easy to see why the former Olympic weight lifter Henry is sweet on Sexual Chocolate. Not only does it contain Cool Whip, but it calls for a can of sweetened condensed milk and three Skor or Heath candy bars.
Who needs to load up on Creatine after a gut-bustin' wedge of that?
We'll say this for "Heat," though: Its mission is not to lay waste to your waist. Some of the recipes come with low-fat tips, lest one become as big as the Rock but with the firmness of X'Pac's Banana Creme Pie.
It's also worth a mention that this book has more than one move up its sleeve of a dust jacket. Besides dishing out the ways to cook like a wrestler, it also does some schooling on the grapplers themselves, courtesy of WWF announcer Jim "J.R." Ross.
In the intro to Chyna's Guacamole Salad, he excitedly tells us that the Amazonian ringleader is "Hugh Hefner's favorite World Wrestling Federation Superstar!" - a reference to Chyna's recent pictorial in Playboy.
Turn to Tasty Trish-Kebabs - a saucy-sounding entree if ever there was one - and you'll discover that Trish "is a former big-time fitness model who knows how to eat healthy." And you were going to hire a nutritionist? Make that nu-Trish-onist.
Plus, there are flashy, splashy photos of the wrestlers on each spread. Trish, for one, poses faux coyly, playing with her long blonde hair as if she forgot her way to the stadium. Meanwhile, her low-cut, body-clinging dress reveals part of her bra - and arms muscular enough to break more than eggs.
So, if you can't get enough of the country's most sporting soap opera, pull on those tights and step up to the stove with "Can You Take the Heat?"
What, are you chicken?
Copyright 2000 NYP Holdings, Inc. All rights reserved.
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